My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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