so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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