worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
