i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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