Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
