He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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