you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
