They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
