I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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