and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
