well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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