wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
