so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
