Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
