My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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