she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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