I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
