I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
