3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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