WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
