And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
