Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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