I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
