i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Found the puke drawer
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
