After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
