Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize