my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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