i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
