Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
tell me about the eggs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
