i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
