I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
