i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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