like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just found puke in my bra..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
