3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
