no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
