that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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