Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
