I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
