After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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