i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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