I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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