is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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