he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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