You're completely useless in the revolution.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
