We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
