Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Do vagina's smell?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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