I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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