this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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