in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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