I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
