you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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