I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
