Sry I called you an 8
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
