Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
