Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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