i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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