She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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