She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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