How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
