Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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