You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize