I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
