mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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