I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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