Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
