you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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