Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
