Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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