no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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