do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize