I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
