guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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