her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
