just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
