too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
