Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
