So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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