the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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